‘Ballers’ recap: Vernon can’t ‘stay off the damn weed!’ — but for good reason
Jason gets robbed, but lands a new client; Spencer reconnects with an old flame
SEASON 3, EPISODE 2 | ‘BULL RUSH’ | JULY 29
“Hey ladies, y’all want to come in for some milk and cookies after this?”
This is the funniest pickup line in television history, as delivered on Ballers by the one and only Vernon Littlefield (Donovan W. Carter) when he shoots his shot like an elementary school student — we really ain’t mad at him, though — with two models at a photo shoot. “Only if they’re chocolate chip. I don’t f— with oatmeal,” responds one of the models, who’s wearing marijuana leaf pasties.
What appeared last week to be an investment into a weed-themed clothing line is actually an endorsement deal that Reggie (London Brown) landed for Vernon with a cannabis company called High Powered. Marijuana use in the NFL might be as frowned upon as kneeling during the national anthem, although real-life players (as well as Vernon, as we learn) employ the drug as a method of recovering from injuries. Regardless, a call from the furious owner of the Dallas Cowboys (unfortunately not Jerry Jones, who would probably give Vernon a pass) sends Vernon’s adviser Joe Krutel (Rob Corddry) over to his house to convince Reggie that this deal is a bad idea.
The photo shoot, however, still goes on — and man, wait until the pictures of Vernon in a High Powered hoodie are released. They’ll definitely send ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith into a “STAY OFF THE DAMN WEE-DUH!” rant.
Though he can’t persuade Vernon to make a more strategic endorsement decision, Joe is able to set up a meeting between NFL running back Kisan Teague (Kris D. Lofton), who’s in desperate search of a new agent, and Jason (Troy Garity), who represents Vernon and Ricky Jerrett (John David Washington). The possibility of a new client sends Jason to a neighborhood park, where he’s robbed at gunpoint while waiting for Kisan to show up. Jason then interrupts Kisan at dinner, claiming he set him up, although the running back gives him his word that he wasn’t behind the stickup and knows where to find the men Jason describes. Kisan and his homies leave their Brussels sprouts at the table before pulling up on the dudes like …