Is it 4-20 in Los Angeles?
City declares today as Kobe Bryant Day because, uh, hmmm, well … it’s L.A.!
Take 50 shots. Feud with your big man. Strut like an 18-time All-Star. Indulge, kids, today is Kobe Day!
I know this because the office called and told me that the city of Los Angeles had the incredible prescience to declare today “Kobe Bryant Day.”
This shining moment comes in the dead of August, days after the end of the Lyin’ Lochte Olympics, in the middle of another Conor McGregor profane rant and the Little League World Series, and, oh, eons after Bryant’s last game.
Somewhere, Nick Saban is plotting LSU’s destruction and Tim Tebow is in a batting cage, hopefully spraying liners into a net. But no one cares on the Left Coast, because what America really needs is another day for L.A. and Bryant to celebrate themselves. Yay!
L.A. did this, ostensibly, because Bryant wore Nos. 8 and 24 during his career and — wait for it — today is Aug. 24 — 8/24.
Bryant’s last game was 4/13. He last won a title on 6/17/10. He was drafted on 6/26/96. Charges were drop- … Never mind.
Bottom line, LeBron James has worn Nos. 6 and 23 in his career. Did we celebrate “King James Day” on June 23 in Cleveland, which would have been much more apropos because it came the day after the Cavaliers’ championship parade?
Dominique Wilkins wore Nos. 12 and 21. Did Atlanta have a “‘Nique Day” on Dec. 21 at any point since 1994, when ‘Nique’s vertical leap was still one of the Seven Wonders of the World? Uh-uh.
Shaquille O’Neal wore Nos. 32 and 34. If we honored every great NBA player like L.A. is feting Bryant today, we would have to wait another 1,218 years for Orlando, Florida, L.A., Miami, Phoenix, Boston and Cleveland to commemorate “Shaq Daddy Day.” Heck, Michael Jordan wore 23, 45 and, for one trivia-question night, 12. You think Ahmad is waiting till the Year 234,512 to have an MJ Day?
Memo to L.A. civic officials: You had 19 years to have a Kobe Day and you’re celebrating on this 8/24? We don’t live by the Chinese calendar. And even if we did, this isn’t the Year of the Mamba.
There is only the career of the Mamba, and it was sublime — 25 points per game, five NBA titles, 11 All-NBA first team selections. More than that, Bryant’s ability to seize the moment was transcendent. Until the Swaggy P Lakers win another title — sometime around 3234 — every day should be Kobe Day in L.A.