What Had Happened Was: 5/24/16
Oh, you don’t know? We got you.
Holy Bismack Biyombo. We have ourselves a series.
It wasn’t long ago that most of us would have said a Cleveland Cavaliers sweep was more likely than the Toronto Raptors winning a single game in this matchup, and now the Raptors have won two. Kyle Lowry and DeMar DeRozan combined for 67 points Monday night — their most ever as a duo — but it was the team’s 23-year-old center who stole the entire show. Seriously, watch Kevin Love’s face here as it sweeps over him: Oh, s—.
Things can change so quickly. Cleveland routed Toronto in the first two games of the series by a combined 50 points, only to squander Games 3 and 4 by a combined 21 points. When the Raptors lost, though, they got next to nothing from a struggling Lowry and DeRozan. But the Cavaliers? This loss came despite the team making six of its eight 3-pointers in the third quarter, connecting on its first 11 shots in the fourth quarter and with LeBron James playing the entire final period. Sometimes you just get got. Ain’t that right, LeBron?
Whether or not the Cavaliers can snatch this series back (Love got banged up Monday night) is still to be seen. What is more certain, regardless of the future results, is this: Wooooo, boy, Biyombo is about to get paid.
When the Raptors and Cavaliers first began their series, a basketball fan named Kazeem Famuyide (@RealLifeKaz) made a bold proclamation: If the Raptors could win two games, then he would put his phone in a teriyaki stir-fry and eat the damn thing. Now, leaving aside why he’d need to fry his phone and consume it to properly pay off a bet, let’s just enjoy the fact that the man is not backing down from his tough talk:
Welp, Drake sat courtside again Monday night at the Raptors game (as per usual) and it led to some excellent observations on social media:
"You wasn't with Kyle shooting in the gym!!" pic.twitter.com/kza4zSjTmy
— Lamar Johnson (@im_lamar) May 24, 2016
Watch Drake try to rhyme Mutombo with Biyombo. Watch.
— 𝕂𝕠𝕗𝕚𝕖 (@KofieYeboah) May 24, 2016
IT’S YO BIRTHDAY
A special happy birthday shoutout goes to the most interesting man in MLB: Bartolo Colon. Now, Colon has been suspended in the past for performance-enhancing drugs, but no one actually cares. We only get into prolonged hand-wringing regarding PEDs to continue shaming the best player to ever live, remember? Anyway, it’s no wonder why Colon is so beloved. Like, have you seen this?
Bartolo Colon dinger x Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1 pic.twitter.com/VbmeZJKnKi
— Joon Lee (@iamjoonlee) May 8, 2016
Reminder: Despite being listed at 5-foot-11 and 283 pounds, Colon can reportedly do splits and kick his legs above his head like a cheerleader. Happy 43rd, homie.
FOR THE CULTURE
- If you enjoyed Chance The Rapper’s recent fire mixtape Coloring Book — really, who didn’t? — you’ll be happy to know the music inspired some magic: An actual coloring book!
- Them’s the breaks: A man cheated on his girlfriend and so she responded by blocking him on every platform possible. Except on Sunday nights, where she creates a fake Facebook profile, adds her ex, and then sends him Game of Thrones spoilers before he can catch up. Then she blocks him again. Salute.
- A Nigerian version of the Barbie doll dubbed the “Queens of Africa” is — finally! — coming to America. Check out when the dolls might be available near you.
- In a revelation that should surprise exactly no one, J.R. Smith said his fadeaway 3-pointer was inspired by the video game NBA 2K. Oh, we know, J.R.
TOP THREE TWEETS
Every morning we’ll hit you here with the best of what we saw on social media the previous night. Why? Why not?
1. Let there be…
Yea…. Y'all on a new level https://t.co/rDOSv1znHC
— J.A.H. (@CookTheGreat) May 24, 2016
2. Gimme the loot
Biyombo is due 2.8 million next season on a player option. He should opt out as he walks off the floor
— Chris Wittyngham (@ChrisWittyngham) May 24, 2016
3. I mean…
top raptors franchise moments
1. right now
— alex (@steven_lebron) May 24, 2016
Our own Mike Wise penned a column yesterday explaining how you can’t poll morality. The Washington NFL team’s name, he says, is not something that can be justified, no matter how many folks in a Washington Post poll say otherwise. Not when the reality is this, anyway:
In the 40-plus year controversy over the name of Washington’s football team name, it’s possible that some will attempt to use this poll to end the debate. But that’s the same simplistic logic and callousness that got us here Every major tribal organization has called for it to change – possibly a sign that public opinion could eventually match the moral position. Teenagers warring with their own school administrations have gotten rid of more than a dozen Native mascots in just two years Public opinion can be a component of decision-making. But to frame one’s own level of moral outrage on what percentage of a people we have actually aggrieved hints at a fundamental lack of understanding of the issue.